


EARTH'S MIGHTIEST INUENDOS

by wherenonehavegoneb4 (where00wentb4)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Implied Alien Blowjob, Implied Same-Gender Sexual Interactions, Implied sexual acts, implied fisting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22012678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/where00wentb4/pseuds/wherenonehavegoneb4
Summary: Proof that geniuses can argue about the stupidest things--especially for fun.
Relationships: Implied Bruce Banner/Thor, Implied Tony Stark/Alien Laviathon, Impllied Bruce Banner/Loki, implied Tony Stark/Thor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	EARTH'S MIGHTIEST INUENDOS

* * *

There wasn't much worry about Bruce becoming ill so much as a genuine concern that he could be a twenty-first-century Typhoid Mary on a literally stellar level. Despite his head still stuck in the notion of quietly making his way across seas and disappearing from the mainstream world to care for the sick and injured, he didn't want to be the cause of any needless suffering. He stayed and waited while it was determined if there was any alien microbial threat potential.

"Can we open up the portal again and see if there's any Chitauri left on the other side that we can beat the crap out of for putting us through all this medical decontamination bullshit?" Clint grumbled as he sat at the dining table drinking his coffee.

"It is I you should take your wrath upon. I was behaving little better than Loki to incur my father's ire that brought me here and hence, my brother." Thor stated glumly from the other side of the table.

Tony raised his head, stared at Thor a moment, then looked down at his plate before selecting a dinner roll, and hurling it at the Asgardian's right bicep. The roll made its target and ricocheted into the wall nearby. "There. I feel vindicated now." With a quick, not completely ingenuine smile, he went back to stabbing at his lunch.

Bruce sat down across from Tony and noticed his irate expression. "Medical tests getting on your nerves too?"

"I'm not talking to you, Banner. You totally betrayed my trust." Tony sounded obviously put off about something, but Bruce caught something else in his tone that he couldn't quite identify. "Betrayed your trust? How?"

"I invited you over to a place that's my pride and joy, and the second I leave you there alone, you pound some _other_ guy into the floor, MY floor, that you've barely even known for a day." Stab. Stab. Glare.

Bruce blinked and then leaned forward. "You mean--when you were out making a gigantic hot mess all over 6th Avenue after being down the throat of some intergalactic whale that you didn't even know existed ten minutes earlier. Is that the time you're referring to? The way I see it, you betrayed me first."

Tony glanced down briefly at his plate, and wet his lips. "I was--I was wearing protection."

Bruce shrugged, "I was only using my fist."

Tony ducked his head and peered at the fellow genius with puppy-dog eyes. "It didn't mean anything to me."

Bruce blinked at him in a lazy cat fashion. "Likewise."

"So. We're calling it even, then, right?" Tony straightened up with renewed perk.

Bruce lifted his chin with an air of Starkiness. "Water under the bridge."

Natasha couldn't resist. "I'm surprised you two aren't at each other about the Tumble you each had with Thor."  
  
Thor had gone from looking at the two in confusion to flinching in startled indignation.

"That's because he couldn't handle us both at once," Tony claimed proudly, then leaned towards Bruce, "I want details," he muttered insistently.

"I want holographs," Bruce counter-muttered back without missing a beat while averting his gaze in Tony's direction.

**Author's Note:**

> 12-28-2019: This was written the second month after I'd started college in 2012 for day 19 of November Mini-nano wrimo challenge.
> 
> I found this while I was looking for the draft of the next chapter of the Dreams Of Rain story.
> 
> I'm still trying to figure out where the memory stick that it's on might be.


End file.
